So tired so veryvery tired =_=
i really think i m gonna drop a stream
ahhhh who cares that cant be fuckin changed

In this post i may name ppl but i dont mean to insult you or something just ignore ok, i m not in the best state right now

ok ahem havin alot of issues right now,
my chemistry scoreddddddddd veryyyy low, i kinda expected it but now mdm locky wants a retest and says if we fail the next test we have to retest again...
the chemistry test wassss horrible....paper1 i got like 20 upon 40 so its like whew,
buttttt paper 2 made me feel like crap =_=
everything just went blam i mean wat the hey it cant be this bad, right?
ok i'm not the only one failing the test like crap but it such a blow to my super huge ego D= imagine HOPING i could get more than an f9 O_O''

2nd thing
i really feel like you know that i cant really do anything? (for nowwwww)
like my cousins can draw too, its not like i m comparing or something, but everytime i go to my grandparents house, its just like ohya how good they are blablabla its like i can draw too for gods sake, praise me too i want to be noticed too, you know?

Drama again
ok you all know the story so not going to repeat
i really love being away from reality for a little while, i lost the opportunity to do so and i feels really painful, i feel like ever since i got into sec3 i didnt have time to really escape it all its like wave after wave of worries, problems and all that crap....when i heard about Syf next year my heart just started aching so bad, i would be the one performing i could have but i cant do it even if i want to.....I want to go for acting lessons but my mummy wont let always saying that i can do that after my O levels and shit.

Art
I reallyreallyreally love art, i m not saying that i m good at it or anything but i really envy everyone talking it........i want to take it this year but my mummy wont let me saying that i dont have time cuz everyone already have like a year of practice and everthing, she says it like i cant do it, i just cant make it

i get the feeling that daddy thinks i m this little bitch that just keeps thinking about herself, i know i should not snap at ppl or anything but i just lose myself after the battle in school all day, i mean i dont feel like i belong to the best class, its so hard you know everyone's studies are so good and its so competitive not that its no good i love 3e1 but yea its hard trying to keep up to everyone's pace.....i cant study for 5 periods take wat 25 minutes break and start the train again, listen to teacher after teacher trying to absorb everything like everyone else, its so tiring and it makes you so tired, everytime i see everyone else from other classes go home its like....i wanna go home too i dont want to fucking waste my time here i dont hate studying but i cant take so much cramped into me everyone says oh its because your from e1 and all but aint i a human too?
Wat after all this you want me to come home happy and be nice to everyone?
Life in school isnt fun and laughter NOT AT ALL

i think because of i i might be relieved to drop a stream, but mummy keeps telling me that its very hard to get through N levels like ohya less than ten marks for 3 subjects if i m not wrong, its like i cant make it....

she says she allows me to go to lasalle like yea that made me so happy you know, till kai told me i had to have an art folio to get them to even CONSIDER me ( i cant get an art folio unless i take art) i mean they want to see pottery in your art folio dont you need a teacher to teach you how to even do pottery? I told mummy and she told me ohya theres got to be some way other than that blabla they prolly accept o level results too.....Pure physics does not show i can draw, Pure Chemistry does not show i can do pottery, Pure bio does not show how much creativity i have.....
later she just says oh errrr like that just go to some poly and take design lor, LIKE WAT? i dont want to go to some poly to take design.....i dont know why but it makes me feel sick like hearing that you want me to go to lasalle one day and say later that you wont let me take art as an o level subject and just tells you to go to some stupid polly instead then wats the point of telling me that you support me in the art field in the first place?

i really dont know wat i want in life, i can draw yes i know i can but i dont know how to earn a living from it

forget that i dont even know how much i can get for my O's...
i might drop physics next year not cuz its hard but i really dont like it you know i dont feel motivation to study physics, who cares about the fucking laws of newton, i want to draw about my feelings my tots, me....

i feel like i lost the connection between myself now, i cant describe this feeling its like.....imagine being a puppet and being so many characters that you forget wat you used to be like... i love acting but i cant act, i love drawing but i cant prove that i can do it...........

i dont know i dont know i gotta find sometime to sort out everything...........
if i really drop a stream its confirmed i dont care wat anyone thinks i will take art. FUCK YOUR PREFERENCES ITS MY LIFE, YOUR NOT GOING TO RUIN IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.